Beth’s blog

Once, after many of Jesus’ followers had left, deciding that he was just asking a bit too much,  Jesus asked his disciples if they didn’t want to leave, too.  Peter replied, “Lord, to whom should we go?  You have the words of eternal life.”  My sentiments exactly, Peter.  What else is there?  Where else can I find unconditional love?  Who else can really give me the gift of grace–complete forgiveness, whether or not I deserve it (I don’t)?  Who else understands me so intimately, when I don’t even understand myself?  Where else is Hope found?

But there is such a price to be paid.  Oh, I know, not everyone thinks they have to pay it.  Many Christians sit in church week after week (or not) and tell themselves that it’s enough.  God wants us to be happy, right?  He wants to bless us and bring us success.  Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness–those are my rights.  Jesus forgave me at the cross and now I am free to go on my merry way and live my life.  If  I give to charity now and then and pray for our soldiers and the sick and go to church and try to be nice to my neighbor (at least when he isn’t crossing me) than I’ve done my part, haven’t I?

I’m not sitting on judgement on anyone here.  All I know is that Jesus said that whoever wanted to follow him would have to bear a cross.  For Jesus himself, that cross meant a whole lot of suffering and sacrifice.  So I think that’s probably what he had in mind for those who would follow him, too.

I read somewhere (not a Christian publication) that all good things are borne out of sacrifice.  And in this world, that’s the truth.  But I am a coward.  I am afraid to suffer, afraid that when it comes my turn, somehow I’ll fail, won’t be strong enough.

So here’s the thing I’m struggling with.  God has made it clear to us that he wants us to follow him to Africa.  To a beautiful country where suffering is right out in the open.  Where people are dying of AIDS and weak from malaria and diarrhea.  Where people live in cycles of fear, always wondering if they are appeasing their anscestors or the gods enough, or have their offenses been enough to warrent retribution on their lives?  Where the governments generally do not find their basis in justice and equality but in bribery, in might makes right, in power for the highest bidder.

That’s where I’m going.  To live.  It really is a beautiful place though.  The people there are lovely, not hindered by busy schedules and so much STUFF.  It’s a place where comfort zones and facades are stripped away, so that the real STUFF of life can finally be found.

Joy and the cross.  How do they go together?  God is asking my family to go to Africa, to sacrifice our (illusion of) safety and comfort and convenience for this cross.  I know the sacrifice will lead to what is good.  The real stuff of life.  But I guess I’m not sure as yet how it all works.

I know too that God doesn’t ask everyone to go to Africa.  He brings the Cross into each person’s life in a unique way.  Everyone has the choice to pick it up, or to turn away from it.

As I said, I am a coward.  But coward that I am, I will NOT turn away from the Cross.  I refuse to go away sorrowfully like the rich young ruler.  No, my heart cries instead, Help me, Lord.  Help me to give it all away.  It is too difficult for me to do alone–please take my hand and help me to do it.

God said in Isaiah 55:2, “Why do you spend money for what is not bread, and your wages for what does not satisfy?  Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, and let your soul delight  in abundance.”  And Jesus said in John 6:35, “I AM THE BREAD OF LIFE.  He who comes to me shall never hunger, and he who believes in me shall never thirst.”  I will take up the Cross,  coward though I am.  I refuse to spend any more of my life on what is not real.  I will give all I have to eat what is good.  Help me to do it, Lord.  And show me how to find the joy that comes through the sacrifice, Amen.